When I was five, and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said "a ballerina or a rock star." They usually laughed and said something like "well, you'll change your mind someday."
When I was eleven and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said "a singer or actress." People brushed that off like "hmm, well, you have lots of time to think about it."
Throughout the past couple years, I've been a dancer, a singer, an actress, and a songwriter. I've kept telling myself "I'll change my mind, I'll change my mind, I'll change my mind..." Part of that mindset is what people have told me; that I'll never make a living for myself if I go into the arts. The other part is just me being uncertain. I always think indefinitely because I like to keep options open. Plans and decisions I make are never permanent. Frankly, I'm uncomfortable with making something permanent and facing a definite decision. I always think something is going to change. But it never does. Then I wait and wait and wait, until one day I just have to trust my gut instinct.
Now I'm 16, and I've decided to trust that instinct. I've been through a lot in the past two years and I've realized two very important things: I will only enjoy life if I'm doing what makes me happy and art is what makes me the happiest- whether it is singing, writing, acting, or dancing. I hate it when people say to me "you need to think about college" because trust me, I've thought about it endlessly. I have confronted many different majors and career choices and then I look at my life and always go back to this. My passion and talent for this is just too significant to ignore. An artist is who I am and always have been. I think it would be ridiculous to try and do anything else.
I think my top career choice will always be a singer-songwriter but I also want to be a writer or an actress. If you're wondering why I haven't mentioned fashion.... fashion isn't a career to me, it's just a thing that's there that I like, that I do. I love fashion because I love it- there is really no artistic value beyond looking cute. Therefore, I couldn't make a career out of the lack of substance it has to offer. (I don't think fashion is materialistic- there's just not enough concept for me to grasp.)
And now, if someone says "well, have you looked at other options, you still have time to change your-"
I say, "yes, I have looked at all the options, and NO, I'm going for this!"