Tuesday, February 25, 2014

guys: how to set the boundary before it's too late

Since I've started high school, there's been multiple instances of getting to know a guy- but being on a completely different page. It probably sounds familiar: you want to be "just friends" but he wants to be "more." You don't realize this until he tries to "make a move" and then you're like WHAT. Then you're in a very sticky situation. 

After this has happened multiple times, I think I've finally learned how to prevent this from happening before it happens. If you're clueless and oblivious OR paranoid about a guy's intent (I can be both), you may benefit from reading these tips. 

{one} Don't talk for too long. If you find that you're texting or Facebook messaging a guy you just like as a friend for over an hour, you may want to cut it short. You don't have to make excuses, just say "Hey, I've got to go! It was fun talking to you. See you soon!" It can be draining to have a long conversation with a guy you only want to be your friend and he might get the wrong idea. 

{two} Push the friend zone when he gives you compliments. Specifically flirty compliments, ie "you look pretty today." If he gives you a flirty compliment, just say "thanks, that's really nice!" Or "you made my day, I appreciate it." Take the compliment as if he's trying to be a nice person, not flirt with you. Use these replies for other comments as well, such as "I want to hug you" etc etc. 

{three} Keep physical distance too. Lots of people hug and link their arms around their best guy friends, but with a guy you don't know well it's not a good idea. When you KNOW that a guy is just your friend, physical contact is safe, but if you don't then do don't know how he's going to take the message. 

{four} Make it clear if he invites you to do something. First of all, if you don't want to go anywhere with him at all, just say no. But if you do, make it clear before you go that it's just as friends. If you don't, he won't know, and he will think it's ok to invite you more places and before you know it things will be out of control. Say, "Sure! I think it would be really fun! But just so we're on the same page, this would be just as friends right?" 

Do you have any advice for being in this situation?

xx  Signe

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